Numbness

no emotion
no happiness
no pain
what do i feel?


what is it that lurkes around me?
depression? helplessness? 
more like an evil monster eating me alive
converting me to someone I never wanted to be


It's hazy, I can't see clear
everyday feels like a dream
a dream I can't run away from



I open my mouth
to scream but nothing comes out
i try to hit the wall
but i can't move
i want to cry
but no tears will form
i fall to the floor
unable to move,
unable to feel and speak
i have no emotion
i lie here
i lie here completely numba strange numbness, undesired at first,
but becomes a dark friend who
so many desire but for most,
is rarely found, except in a bottle 


Am I trapped? and not even notice?
I feel as though I'm trapped in a body I don't even know
Too lost to find my way out, too lost to find myself in this body
Too afraid to show? Too afraid to show my real self?


I could end it all, make it all end now
Hoping for a clean slate, a new beginning
I know how, but the leap...


I'm a coward... Wanting to end it but not brave enough to end it
The fear of what's on the other side intimidates me
Is it worth finding out? Do I wanna find out? 
What REALLY happens when you die?


I stayed... The numbness present everywhere
No emotion... Is that even possible? The numbness
oddly, it's the best feeling in my life
a world of nothingness, nothing, blank, just blank...
no laughter, no pain, no guilt, no pleasure, just suffering in the numbness, oddly comforting... This is bad...


What is the meaning of all these emotion? What's the point?
Is there a reason to live? I feel nothing now, do people feel for me?
behind their smiles and pretentious caring, do they really know?
I feel as though I have so much to give to the world, but my state of being reminds me I have nothing to give
I can't stay like this, but there is a ray of hope, I want to live. I don't want to be this way...
I'm looking for something, something to fill the void... I promise to try, try and find that meaning.
I won't die, I have to move on, I can do this, I will have to make it through, I told myself with a sigh...