Summery Bouquet

I forgot when I made this... I guess it was 2 months ago? Anyways, wouldn't be nice to have an arrangement like this in the house? It'll just brighten up any room and put a smile on your face. I was able to make this bouquet with a budget of just $20, but it looks like it cost more right? lol If you choose your flowers correctly, you can have a fabulous arrangement at quite a low cost. So go to a flower shop and spend $20 to brighten up your day!

Numbness

no emotion
no happiness
no pain
what do i feel?


what is it that lurkes around me?
depression? helplessness? 
more like an evil monster eating me alive
converting me to someone I never wanted to be


It's hazy, I can't see clear
everyday feels like a dream
a dream I can't run away from



I open my mouth
to scream but nothing comes out
i try to hit the wall
but i can't move
i want to cry
but no tears will form
i fall to the floor
unable to move,
unable to feel and speak
i have no emotion
i lie here
i lie here completely numba strange numbness, undesired at first,
but becomes a dark friend who
so many desire but for most,
is rarely found, except in a bottle 


Am I trapped? and not even notice?
I feel as though I'm trapped in a body I don't even know
Too lost to find my way out, too lost to find myself in this body
Too afraid to show? Too afraid to show my real self?


I could end it all, make it all end now
Hoping for a clean slate, a new beginning
I know how, but the leap...


I'm a coward... Wanting to end it but not brave enough to end it
The fear of what's on the other side intimidates me
Is it worth finding out? Do I wanna find out? 
What REALLY happens when you die?


I stayed... The numbness present everywhere
No emotion... Is that even possible? The numbness
oddly, it's the best feeling in my life
a world of nothingness, nothing, blank, just blank...
no laughter, no pain, no guilt, no pleasure, just suffering in the numbness, oddly comforting... This is bad...


What is the meaning of all these emotion? What's the point?
Is there a reason to live? I feel nothing now, do people feel for me?
behind their smiles and pretentious caring, do they really know?
I feel as though I have so much to give to the world, but my state of being reminds me I have nothing to give
I can't stay like this, but there is a ray of hope, I want to live. I don't want to be this way...
I'm looking for something, something to fill the void... I promise to try, try and find that meaning.
I won't die, I have to move on, I can do this, I will have to make it through, I told myself with a sigh...

Summer

Flowers from the garden are such a joy. This is one that I did from my garden. Hydrangeas and Iris. It's not a perfect arrangement, but who says that arrangements in the house has to be perfect? Besides, I loved the different hues of violet, aren't they amazing? 

It's been long / 久しぶり

久しぶりにキッチンに立って料理をしました。変に新鮮さを感じた～。料理って不思議ですよね、何かすごくリラックスさせてくれます（時間に追われてなければ　笑）。時間に追われてない時のクッキングって普通の時との楽しみ方が違うんですよね、ちょっとしたことだけにでも幸せを感じられるって感じかな？笑　例えば、ニンニクを炒める匂いとか、炒めてる時の音にうっとりすること。インゲンを茹でてきれいな緑に変わるとき、海老をソテーしてるときの色の変わり方とかって何か幸せを感じます。生の素材から色々、変化していく素材に喜びを感じたりするって変なのかもしれないけど僕はそうゆうのを料理してるとき感じますね。一種のtherapyになってるのかも。笑　今回は、南瓜のスープ、夏の海老サラダ、ポークソテーのシャロットと赤ワインソース、デザートにはスモモをグリルしたものをバニラアイスクリームをサーブしたものを作りました。レシピーはめんどくさいので載せません！ごめんなさい！でもおおざっぱに作り方を紹介します。


It's been a while since I stood in a kitchen to cook a proper meal... It was oddly refreshing and relaxing. Cooking is wonderful, it holds a special power over me. If I'm not pressed for time cooking is absolutely relaxing and soothing. It's a different sort of enjoyment than daily cooking I suppose, if you can understand what I'm saying. lol I take pleasure in the most insignificant things when it comes to cooking... The smell of the garlic roasting in a pan, the sound of something sizzling in a pan. The way the string beans turn bright green when blanched, the turning of colors when sautéing shrimp, I enjoy all those little things, for some reason it puts a smile on my face. All these different ingredients combined together resulting into a fabulous dish is an amazing process. It's sort of like therapy for me. lol Anyways, this Sunday, I made a creamy pumpkin soup,  a summer shrimp salad, sautéed pork cutlet with a reduced red wine sauce with shallots and grilled plums with vanilla ice cream for dessert. I won't upload the recipe, but I'll tell you the ingredients... Sorry, I'm lazy...

I sautéed a clove of garlic, onion, leeks and celery until soft, then added the pumpkins and corn, added chicken broth to cover the vegetables, simmered until the pumpkins were tender, then added roughly about 4 tablespoons of cream cheese, about 2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan, maybe 3 cups of milk and used a blender to puree the soup to make it all smooth. ニンニク、玉ねぎ、長ネギとセロリを炒める。しんなりしたら、コーン、南瓜とブイオンを野菜が浸かるまで加える。南瓜が柔らかくなるまで煮る。柔らかくなったら大４くらいのクリームチーズ、大２くらいのパルメザンを加えて牛乳も加える。ブレンダーなどでピューレ状にして完成！

I used three different kinds of lettus, red cabbage, yellow peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes and onions for the salad. I sautéed the prepared shrimps with garlic and olive oil and some white wine. Add the sautéed juices to the dressing they make them taste 10 times better. Add a sprinkling of Parmesan to taste.　サラダなので適当に好きなものを使ってください。今回は三種類のレタスと紫キャベツ、きゅうり、トマト、玉ねぎと黄色パプリカを使いました。海老は皮をむいてした処理をした物を使用。オリーブオイルとニンニクとソテーして白ワインを少々、塩コショウも忘れずに。ソテーの汁はドレッシングと混ぜて使ってください！

These pork cutlets were sent from a farm in Hokkaido, they were SO delicious!  Salt and pepper the pork cutlets, brown them over high heat, set aside. Drain fat, leave about 2 tablespoons of fat and add minced garlic and shallots, cook till translucent, add good red wine, chicken stock, a little bit of sugar and soy sauce. Simmer till the sauce is reduced by half.　豚肉は塩コショウしてソテーに。大２の油をフライパンに残してみじん切りのニンニクとシャロットを入れて炒める。透き通ってきたら赤ワインとブイオンを加えて、砂糖少々、塩コショウ、隠し味にしょうゆを入れて煮詰める。

In a large skillet, heat about 2 tablespoons of butter. Turn off heat when the butter is melted. Sprinkle about 2 tablespoons of sugar evenly in the skillet and place the pitted plums cut side down., sprinkle another 2 tablespoons of sugar over the top, set over high heat, cook for 3~4 min without turning, serve with vanilla ice cream.　スモモを半分に切って種を取る。フライパンにバター少々、大２くらいの砂糖を満遍なくふりかけ、スモモの切った面を下にしてフライパンに並べる。また大２の砂糖を上から振り掛ける。強火で３~４分焼いてからアイスクリームの上に乗せて召し上がってください！

Exhibition

Here are some of the pictures from the Exhibition. Enjoy!

My school's show and exhibition

On July 9th and 10th I had my first experience of being involved in a show and exhibition. It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It's hard to find the adequate words to describe the whole experience and sensation, but it was certainly "C'est Magnifique". I started studying under my designer in March of this year, so to be involved in something this big at this point was a real treat.

After quitting school to peruse floral design, I gradually started to doubt myself in the decision making, kept asking did I make a hasty decision? I was hesitant to tell people that I was studying under a floral designer while all my friends have stable jobs or going abroad to study, moving on with their lives and me left behind. Having my work being displayed in the exhibition was good enough for boosting my confidence and reassuring me that I made the right decision and that I'm on the right path, but hearing how much people loved my work and how they are anticipating to see more of my work was the cherry on top.

My work: The Great Gatsby

For my arrangement I originally wanted to do something deep colored, lush, European with a modern twist. So, I decided to do a great Gatsbyesque with a modern twist. I originally planned to arrange the flowers with deep, dark pinks in a tall, over-sized antique silver candle holder, but I wasn't able to find the candle holder I like... To resolve the problem, I changed the color schemes from dark pink to shades of burgundy and have a very modern vase made to order. The only regret I have with my arrangement is that I wanted to have peonies, but at the last minute, I wasn't able to get them with the crazy weather we've been having and the amaranthus was absolutely fat and short, so I wasn't able to get the effect I wanted...

I'll upload the other students work soon.

This picture below was my practice... Notice the peony and how different the amaranthus is...